that I can listen to a certain station on Pandora, and when a score from Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter starts playing, I can instantly tell you which movie and what scene that score was used in? 

…For the record, I think it’s quirky and great and gives you all a great reason to be friends with me. 

Do I have the words “pro bono brat caretaker,” tatted on my forehead and taped to the back of my shirt?  

Relative or no relative, when your kid manages to urinate and vomit on me within the same day, and I don’t even receive compensation for it (after I’ve been doing it for free for three years), do you really think I want to come back the very next day and take care of them after I’ve been up since 6 AM and just came back from school? I’m kind of really pissed about this. I AM IN COLLEGE. I HAVE SHIT TO STUDY FOR AND HOMEWORK TO DO AND I’M BEING PEED ON AND I DON’T EVEN GET PAID AND NOW I HATE CHILDREN AND I DON’T WANT ANY.  

I should try starting a worker’s union because this has to be abuse of some sort. 

Fork you. Stop taking advantage of your niece, douchebags. =__= May all your bacon burn. 

loveyourchaos:

Malandragem: You Want a Physicist to Speak at Your Funeral

thereisafish:

You want a physicist to speak at your funeral. You want the physicist to talk to your grieving family about the conservation of energy, so they will understand that your energy has not died. You want the physicist to remind your sobbing mother about the first law of thermodynamics; that no energy gets created in the universe, and none is destroyed. You want your mother to know that all your energy, every vibration, every Btu of heat, every wave of every particle that was her beloved child remains with her in this world. You want the physicist to tell your weeping father that amid energies of the cosmos, you gave as good as you got.

And at one point you’d hope that the physicist would step down from the pulpit and walk to your brokenhearted spouse there in the pew and tell him that all the photons that ever bounced off your face, all the particles whose paths were interrupted by your smile, by the touch of your hair, hundreds of trillions of particles, have raced off like children, their ways forever changed by you. And as your widow rocks in the arms of a loving family, may the physicist let her know that all the photons that bounced from you were gathered in the particle detectors that are her eyes, that those photons created within her constellations of electromagnetically charged neurons whose energy will go on forever.

And the physicist will remind the congregation of how much of all our energy is given off as heat. There may be a few fanning themselves with their programs as he says it. And he will tell them that the warmth that flowed through you in life is still here, still part of all that we are, even as we who mourn continue the heat of our own lives.

And you’ll want the physicist to explain to those who loved you that they need not have faith; indeed, they should not have faith. Let them know that they can measure, that scientists have measured precisely the conservation of energy and found it accurate, verifiable and consistent across space and time. You can hope your family will examine the evidence and satisfy themselves that the science is sound and that they’ll be comforted to know your energy’s still around. According to the law of the conservation of energy, not a bit of you is gone; you’re just less orderly. Amen.

• Aaron Freeman

• Can someone please remind me why I decided to have classes Monday through Friday? 
• It looks like I have a surprising natural talent for accounting. Hm. This pleases me.
• East Bay, please have my major. Please. 
• Arguements about God’s existence in a Philosophy class of 100 crotchety college kids is probably the quickest way to make me want to kill myself by inhaling the grapey fumes of my purple, fruit scented pen. 
• Why is Harry Potter over? 
• I’m still reeling from the near mental breakdown from being trapped inside my car at a red light earlier when a swarm of bees decided to just chill around Madeline. 
• I can’t decide which class I detest the most; psych or econ. At the moment, I think econ is winning. 
• Longingly looking at universities’ websites make me feel at least a teeny bit closer to transferring. Just a teeny bit though. 
• I love Brobama.