"I’ve been back in school for a week and I’m already having a conniption," a poem by samanthawin

ooh, content

Thank you chekhovandowl for tagging me in this thing so I can put something on my poor excuse for a tumblr 

NAME: Samantha
DOB: In the fall of 1993. 
GENDER: Female
TAGGING: papergramps, my-way-is-the-hyway11, wynesthesia, bitchmemoirs, thediaryofaagirl, cfenthusiast, submarinedreams,derkleineorangecaptainnarcolepsy, ananeya, preoccupiedthoughts, languishdark, friesfoguys, mandreww, dangerrevolt, loydberg, fatherkickers j0nawithazero, and literally anybody else who wants to do it, the world is your oyster. 



I’m not in a good mood today.  


FOOD: bún bò huế, peanut butter, rice crackers, and all fruit except jackfruit. and eh on bananas, but I’ll eat em. 
MOVIE: Spirited Away, Castle in the Sky, Dear Zachary, and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2
TV SHOWS: The Office, Doctor Who, 30 Rock 
BAND: Coldplay, Aerosmith, and HAIM. And Michael Jackson, idc if he’s not a band. 
PLACE: The Huntington Library and Botanical Gardens in Southern California. Or Big Sur. Or Phước Hải. All of them. 
SCHOOL SUBJECT: English/Literature, Linguistics 
ACTOR: Colin Firth 
ACTRESS: Meryl Streep, Helena Bonham Carter

SIBS: None
DREAM JOB: Clinical speech language pathologist or novelist.
FEAR: Bees, wasps, hornets. Anything that can fly and stings. 
RELIGION: Buddhism. 
PIERCINGS: Run of the mill ear piercings. 
LANGUAGES: English, eh in Vietnamese, somewhat proficient in American Sign Language. 


reason behind my url: It’s literally my name with a phonetic mockery of my last name. 
# of blogs: One. 

Today on: “what do you mean I spent 130 dollars on a brand new textbook and still have to pay 53 dollars for the supplemental audio CDS which are mandatory for my class and apparently don’t come automatically with a new textbook even though you said it came as a package, you blood sucking motherfuckers.”

capssanon asked:
your hair looks nice ^^

For 100 goddamn dollars just to get it colored, I’m glad you think so hahaha ;-; 

In all seriousness though, bless your heart! Thank you for being so sweet. 

Today on “I spent 100 dollars on my hair for the first time today and what the hell, why be poor while looking nice when I can be ugly and rich.” 

So um. Hello.

I took an unplanned, unannounced hiatus this summer from tumblr and writing in general. And I wish I could explain why in a wrapped up, beautiful, and succinct answer, like, I was off ‘finding myself’ or something existential in manner because aren’t all writers supposed to be fickle like that or something? Simply though, I just felt like I had to get off of tumblr for a while because I’ve been on here for too long and I just needed to get away. I didn’t really have anything to contribute, so why force it, you know. Does that make sense? I really just fell off the radar in general this summer, not just online. Life and times of an introvert guys; sometimes I want a day to myself, sometimes I want months. 

I suppose I decided to finally sort of come back because a certain piece of mine has gotten a major resurgence in exposure within the past few days. I’ve received touching messages and commentary on what my writing has done for some of you. Most importantly, I’ve gotten a lot of thank yous. And it’s the thank yous that really get to me because you’ve been thanking me for voicing the struggles of Asian women, for voicing the struggle of growing up Asian in America. But I’ve been quiet for a long time, and I feel really undeserving of those thank yous you’ve all been lavishing on me. I’ve remained quiet on recent events that, in the past, I would’ve been immediately vocal on, and in some ways, I’m ashamed of myself for not making my opinions known. Staying quiet in times of oppression does nobody any favors. I know I’m just a little person in the corner of the internet, but I’m still somebody. 

I’m pretty sure all of my regular readers are gone now. But welcome to all you newbies! I hope you’ll stick around for a while, even when I’m moody and decide to not show up for six months.

Again, my bad y’all. 



taeminimal asked:
i've been going through your writing tag and your posts about vietnam bring me nearly to tears. my family goes on and on about how i used to be able to speak perfect viet, hue accent and all, when i was small, but now i can barely speak anything and i feel like i'm losing the part of me that's vietnamese. reading your writing was like reading my thoughts in your words, and it really touched me. you are a truly talented writer

Ahhh thank you, you are so sweet. I definitely know the feeling— I’ve actually written another piece that spoke specifically on losing the language as well— pre kindergarten, I spoke in Vietnamese only, even went around singing cai luong haha. I’m glad you can identify, but I’m also sad that you can identify just because feeling like you’re losing touch with your cultural roots is such a bitter feeling. It’s nice to know that there are others going through the same struggle though. Maybe one day, we’ll both be able to reconnect to our roots the way we want to <3 

hale-fyre asked:
Hi. My name is Chris. I just wanted to tell you thank you. Your spilled ink about opening your eyes and racism (specifically catered to my ethnicity group) really hit home. I've had to go through every single thing that was mentioned and I cannot express my gratitude enough so I hope a simple thanks will do. I really appreciate it. Thank you so much.

Hi Chris! Thank you so much— your words are so kind. I feel a little bit undeserved of them because I haven’t been writing lately, but hearing from people like you really encourage me to come back and start writing again :’) Thank you again and I really appreciate all the love you’ve been throwing my way.

I’ve been super struggling with the job hunt this summer. Nobody wants a college student with a resume full to the brim with volunteer experience. I decided that I should probably play to my strengths, so I’ve recently started looking for secretarial/clerical jobs. My typing speed is about 110 wpm with 99% accuracy (I had this tested just in case I needed this information), I’m fairly proficient in computer literacy, and I’m an organized neurotic to a fault. 

But man, if there’s one thing I found out pretty quickly is that there is practically no such thing as an entry level secretary. All the job listings are saying that a typing speed of 70 wpm would be great (which gets me excited, because, oh boy, am I about to really knock their socks off and get hired right away), but then at the bottom, there’s the damning statement of: 3+ years clerical experience required. 

I’m lucky that when I’m home for the summer, I’m fortunate to have food provided for and a roof over my head. I’ve sent out probably 50+ applications since I’ve been home, and not heard back from one. Finding a job is not easy.

My mom and I just watched a movie where this smart college graduate got this super awesome job at her dream company and everything, and some dude that had a crush on her made her feel guilty for pursuing her dreams and her career instead of pursuing him so she quit her dream job to fly to New York to apologize for being successful and tell him that she quit and uprooted her whole life to be with him?? Even though it took her months to get that job??

Why didn’t she just dump this guy, keep her dream job, and get a dude who supports her like the goddess she is, I don’t understand.

It’s almost 4 AM and I can’t sleep because of allergies. I keep sneezing and almost sneezing (which is the literal worst) every three minutes and my eyes are watering so badly, I’m practically crying. What the fuck. My dad will be up for work in about 20 minutes because he went to bed 7 hours ago and I’m still awake because of allergies.

This is some bullshit, immune system.

I had to.
Thank you tumblr (and devil overlord?) for reading my word vomits and calling them art.

I rarely ever feel this, but lately I’ve been feeling pretty. I mean, I know that I’m not this knockout bombshell of a girl, and I never will be, but I’ve been looking at myself in the mirror like, “yeah girl, you lookin pretty good!” Even if others don’t agree, at least I’m loving myself! Which is important and yes to positivity!

ARTIST: Ed Sheeran
TRACK: All Of The Stars
ALBUM: The Fault In Our Stars


Ed Sheeran - All Of The Stars

It’s just another night
And I’m staring at the moon
I saw a shooting star
And thought of you

ARTIST: Sam Smith
TRACK: Lay Me Down (acoustic)


Your touch, your skin, where do I begin?
No words can explain, the way I’m missing you



The writer couldn’t write anymore the irony didn’t escape her although to be truthful she used irony too loosely. She looked at the page as if it might devour her (to be truthful it would have excited her if it were different times) but she still had a soft gaze towards as if it were her true demon and only she could kiss it. There was this cognitive dissonance that became embedded in her soul after she took that trip to the other world. She wept because her words were stale like old moldy bread, there was this ring that sounded dead.

She understood why, understood why the words couldn’t become unclogged from her hair. The reason the sink was always running and why the curtains wanted to smother her in her sleep. Change. Everything had become a past page something that had already been read. So stuck in the nostalgia that the writer didn’t realize that life had passed her by and she wasn’t the same anymore.

Different. Unknown. So many beliefs were broken, so many things were taken and given. Lost in self pity and grasping for the past that she forgot the most important thing about writing. It wasn’t meant to return to old habits but to bring life to the present her, the her that she wanted to be. Lost in the woulda,coulda,shoulda repetition inside her mind…the sentences become silent nothing more but mantras of another era.

She changed, grew. Forgot what it meant to write from the core. Tried to regain what she lost. 

The writer looked at the page and she knew one day she would write again beautifully, authentically, and unreserved. Till then she might go to planet X49 to be with her two dick lover. Then again she was always a bit uneasy about actually touching a breathing body, she liked them dead after all. It made it more peaceful looking at the things that once were.